"Thank you, Mommy"

"Mom, why didn't you and dad vote for Obama?" my nine-year-old son, Logan, asked.

I sighed heavily in response because I was tired and we had just exited Walmart. It was late in the afternoon and I had other pressing matters to think about, like dinner, for instance. I tried to formulate a simple answer while navigating the parking lot.

"Well, we didn't agree with some of his ideas on economics and stuff. Oh yeah, and we oppose abortion and he supports it. That was our main reason for not voting for him." I figured that would be the end of the conversation.

I figured wrong.

"What's abortion?" was his next question.

I prayed silently and asked God for guidance. How do you describe abortion to young people? Did I want him to know what it was yet? Did I want his younger brothers and sister to know? I decided I should probably be the one to tell him since I brought it up. Besides, I didn't want him to get another nine-year-old's opinion of what it was.

"Abortion is when a doctor goes in and takes a baby out before it’s ready to be born so it will die."

Logan gasped. He sounded like he had the air knocked out of him. "You mean they just kill it?"

"Yes," I said, cringing at my own words and the mental images that flashed through my mind from pictures that I had seen in the past.

"What kind of woman would do something like that?" he asked.

"Women that don’t know any better and take the doctor’s word that it’s not really anything but a blob, not a human being. They are scared and choose to believe this lie."
I thought about these women who choose this avenue, my heart aching for the ones who honestly believed the lies told to them. But I also knew that there were those who knew exactly what they were doing and chose to do it anyway. "Others are just selfish and don’t want the baby."

Logan was angry at the thought of babies being murdered. In his young heart he knew that this was horribly wrong. Amazing sometimes how the young can see things more clearly then adults who ought to know better.

I let him stew as we continued the last few minutes of our drive. My mind had already shifted to getting dinner on the table. We pulled in front of our garage and the kids started to pile out. I gathered my stuff too and started to climb out when a small voice spoke up and stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Mom," said my six-year-old son, Trevor, "Thank you for not doing that to us."

I looked into his big green eyes that mirrored his soul. Swallowing past the lump lodged in my throat, I said, "You're welcome, babe." He gave me a dimpled grin and then scooted out of his car seat, and scampered into the house. I sat back into my seat and thought about his words.

When I was pregnant with Trevor I went through a horrible depression. Darkness cast a shadow over every thought that came into my mind. Medication I had been on for a long time was altered and it threw me into a rapidly descending tailspin. It was scary to not be able to trust my own mind and emotions. I had my husband, Josh, and two little boys depending on me to get meals on table and do laundry. Now I had another one on the way, which I prayed would be a girl. I thought that would change everything. It had to.

I wouldn't have hurt my two older boys and being pregnant prevented me from harming myself. I didn't want to be held accountable for killing my child, but my mind was reeling and I could hardly function under such a dark cloud of depression. I often cried myself to sleep when I took naps with my boys. Thankfully, Logan doesn't remember these times. He would often lay next to me, stroke my arm and in his three-year-old voice say, "It's okay mommy." Eventually we would both fall asleep. Other times I would be crying in the kitchen, sitting on the floor and leaning against the refrigerator. Both Logan and Garrett would crawl in and lay their heads on my lap. I'd listen to my dad's voice consoling me over the phone and I run my fingers through my boys' hair. After a while the Lord would calm me down so I could get dinner on the table.

I was so convinced I was having a girl that when the doctor announced it was a boy in that delivery room I emotionally turned off. I held him and kissed his little forehead, Josh told the family what his name was and everyone congratulated me. But I lay in bed, mesmerized, broken hearted, scared to be a mommy when I didn't think I had it in me. I wanted to cry but I had no more tears. There was nothing left...or so I thought.

A week later I got terribly sick with endometritis, an infection of the lining in the uterus. Josh took me and baby Trevor back to the hospital. I could hardly walk because of the blinding pain in my body. It felt like daggers stabbing me over and over again. The nurses pumped me with three bags of saline because I was so dehydrated. They asked me if I was eating or drinking water. I nodded yes, but my husband said no I hadn't been. I honestly couldn't remember. The nurses fussed over my little boy as I lay on that hard bed in a back room of the ER.

Around 3 am the hospital released me to go home with a prescription for antibiotic and more pain meds. When I look back on that night I see it as when I started to come back to life. The following week I had 24 hour care which was good for my body and heart to heal. My mis-diagnosis and medication was finally corrected. And best of all I formed a bond with my little baby boy that I couldn't have imagined before.

My point in telling this story was to share what I went through and what I would have missed had I bailed out by aborting my little boy. Yes, the entire pregnancy was tumultuous. Yes, my family suffered along with me. Yes, the physical and emotional pain was intensely difficult.

But, it was all worth it for Trevor. I don't think it was a coincidence that Trevor was the one who thanked me for not killing him. When I look at my little green-eyed boy I can't imagine life without him. He has such a tender heart, a love for the Lord, a sweetness in his soul. He's all boy one minute, running around with a sword and playing "Pirates of the Caribbean." The next minute he'll stop to give me a hug for no reason at all. Just because. I can't imagine our lives without Trevor being in the middle of it all.

That's why I am saddened for the women who choose abortion as their alternative. Not only are they murdering their babies for whatever reason they give to appease their guilt, but they are also missing out on dimpled smiles, hugs for no reasons, and a little life that would bless those around them.

I don't know who reads my blogs. I don't know if you have had an abortion. If you have and you didn't realized what you were doing come before the Lord and accept His grace. He will forgive you and He holds that child in the safety of His realm. If you have never had an abortion but know those who have or are thinking about it please pray for them. Pray for this nation and for Obama.

There is hope for you, friend, if you have done this deed. Put your hope in Christ, He loves you and will forgive everything you've ever done. He will give you a new life and wipe your slate clean. Yes, you may have the natural consequences of this act but rest assured that His blood covers your sin. You can start out clean with the same Jesus that cares for your little one right now.