Saturday, January 31, 2009

About Josh...

What is it about marriage that can make you so accustomed to that person you look right over them sometimes. Tonight I sat on the rocking chair in the living room and watched him walk across the room to close the curtains. I see him all the time but this time I watched him as if I weren’t used to living with him everyday but instead as a woman watching a man with broad shoulders, back straight, long legs. I watched him come towards me and bend over my chair, his green eyes close to mine. I've always loved his eyes. And then he kissed me and for a moment I couldn’t catch my breath.
When you are married you get so used to that person and you don’t think twice about a kiss when it’s in passing, but there are those brief moments when it feels like you are sitting in his Toyota pickup truck on a dark night at a golf course and he leans into to kiss you for the first time. My heart stopped for a moment and I silently begged for time to stop so I could hold onto this feeling once again. That same feeling I had so many years ago when we were young and kissing was the only thing allowed. There is something mysterious and alluring of that special someone putting their lips on yours for the first time.
One of my favorite treasures about Josh is his laughter. I cherish the sound of it. Funny movies are no longer enjoyable to watch without him next to me laughing his way through it. The first night Josh and I ever really talked was in college and he walked around the campus with me for three hours. I had never laughed so hard and long as I did that evening. We talked about so many things that night, most of which I can no longer remember, except for one part. I think I asked Josh if he laughed out loud even if he was by himself and he said yes. Halleluiah!!! I thought I was the only one who ever did that sort of thing. It had always been a joke in my family that I would laugh even if I was alone and I had a feeling I was weird because of it. Soon after my sister met Josh she told me she had never seen me so happy before. I honestly don’t remember laughing so much in my life until that one wonderful evening with Josh by my side. I remember looking up at him, seeing his dimpled cheeks, his smiling eyes and hearing his contagious laughter echo against the school buildings. Even when we’re old and gray I think that night will be one of my favorite memories of all time. I can’t help but smile even now as I sit here twelve years, four children and two widened hips later. Every time he laughs I go back to that early autumn evening when I began laughing for the first time.

The stars were out
The night was cool
You never noticed
I was looking at you

I listened to your voice
To the tales you told
My heart skipped several beats
Imagining my hand yours would hold

Your green eyes sparkled
On your mouth was a smile
I couldn’t stop laughing
As we walked all that while

A year and a half later
Toward you I walked
This time dressed in white
Your eyes with mine locked

We were young and passionate
Just twenty-one and twenty-three
Reveling in the bliss
Not knowing yet how hard life can be

We’ve been walking together
For eleven years now
Wasn’t it just yesterday
We said our vows?

Four tow-headed children
And several moves later
We’ve put some miles on our romance
Some I don’t care to remember

We have grown up together
I know we still have far to go
But in fifty years when we are old
You will still be the man that makes me glow

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Glorious Monotony

Paper airplanes litter the floor
The opening and slamming of the front door
Magic markers cover the table
This cluttered home looks more like a stable

Daughter’s dolls muddle her room
Lego’s and Hot Wheels, I am doomed
To be surrounded by all this chaos
I long for the day when these toys I can toss.

But to my face a smile creeps
When down the hall I hear their feet
A growing ache fills my soul
I dread the day my children will go

These are the memories that will haunt my dreams
Of four tiny voices saying they love me
Four small children to care for and hug
These are the treasures my life is made of.

When I am weary the Lord reminds me
The days are challenging, but extremely sweet
There may come in life a period of time
When I miss these exhausting days of mine

My life may lack vacations exotic
And daily chores are more than catatonic
Soccer practices, doing laundry and dishes
Are hardly for what the glamorous wishes

But I am overwhelmed with wonderful blessings
My children are healthy, my abode a bit messy
But my husband comes home and loves me each night
Outside it may be raining; in my home the world is quite bright.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

I accomplished nothing today. I didn’t plan to do nothing, it just happened. I actually had a long list of housework duties to catch up on.
1. Gym – workout
2. Fold several loads of laundry
4. Wash dishes
3. Do several more loads of laundry
5. Sweep kitchen
6. Wash and fold more laundry
7. Vacuum

The list goes on and I had high hopes to get it all done. What I didn’t take into account were my four children. They all needed me. It wasn’t to help clean their rooms or finding play clothes, tying shoes, or finding a favorite toy. Today they just needed me, my time. They needed me to hug them, talk to them.
We looked at family pictures and I told them funny stories about them when they were babies. We read books together. Everywhere I went my two-year-old daughter toddled behind me, desiring just to be held.
So I gave up my plans to clean the house today. Instead I watched movies and read books with my children. I cuddled my sons and daughter. I sat down and ate dinner with them and laughed at their jokes and stories. And after I got them into bed I didn’t feel the relief I usually feel. Instead, I felt wonderfully happy because I spent time showing my children love by being with them.
Often I have looked at my two older boys and my heart aches to hold them as babies and kiss their sweet faces good night. I realize how fleeting time really is and the moments I have with them now will soon be a memory. I want to grab my children and hold onto them tightly because I know there will come a day when they will leave. Not too long ago I resented staying home. I felt like I was missing out on the fun and excitement of life. Sometimes I wished for a job outside the home just so I could get dressed up and accomplish something for that day. I longed for the days of homework from school because I knew that it wouldn’t mysteriously undo itself in the middle of the night like my housework always seems to do. But now I am seeing things in a different light. What is really important here?
The laundry will always be here. I might even catch up on it someday. The dishes will get done tomorrow, the same for sweeping the floor. But my babies won’t be babies very long. There will come a day when I will walk into my daughter’s room and I won’t be able to soothe her fears by rocking her and singing a song. Another day will come when I will enter my oldest son’s room only to see him packed and ready for college. Someday my little Trevor will be a groom waiting for his bride instead of the dimpled cheek boy with big green eyes I see every morning. Someday I may see my strong son, Garrett, in uniform and saluting his commander as he graduates from boot camp. Someday my house will be clean… and empty.
I know when those days come I won’t look back on good memories of how tidy and organized my house was. Instead, I will think of my children’s laughter when their daddy tickled them, early mornings when a little body would snuggle up next to me, and quiet moments rocking my daughter and singing her Cinderella songs. I will have these memories tucked away in my heart and I’ll just smile, even laugh a little, and be thankful for the sweet time I had my children all to myself.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

My First Time...

So this is the first time I've ever blogged. I guess you could say I'm a virgin...when it comes to free writing on a web site, not to mention allowing people to see my writing before I've worked it over several thousand times before it sees the light of day. But I figured what the hey, there's a first time for everything. Right?
Actually, I'm excited to see what this will do for my writing and sharing of my life. It will be good practice as well as a great way to get my thoughts onto "paper." So, to all who read my heart on this page I hope you enjoy and walk away encouraged and/or thinking more about what life is really all I do most of my days.
Till next time....