This past year and a half my life took a turn I never expected and ended with my parents moving away for a year. This whole last week has been tumultuous emotionally as I prepared for thier departure. On the one hand, I'm excited that my parents get this much deserved and needed rest, on the other hand my heart aches from missing them so much. They have been an integral part of our lives for the past nine years there is a big empty hole left in our hearts by their absence.There have been times I've been tempted to climb into my bed, pull the covers over my head and wait till next September when they come back.
But I can't do that.
Sunday morning as my dad spoke about pruning the Lord spoke to me as well. I am being pruned in different ways from my dad, but it is pruning nonetheless. I knew that at that moment I could choose how I wanted to react to the pruning. I could kick and scream, cry and yell, pout and complain about the process.
OR
I could lean into it. I could trust the Lord and what He is doing in the life of the church body, my parent's lives and my own family's life as well. Our Heavenly Father is the Great Multi-tasker. It always amazes me to see how many lives and the levels He is working on. Sometimes it's invisible, sometimes it's quick and miraculous, sometimes it's slow and stunted because of our refusal to allow Him to work in us. Nevertheless, He continues to work in our hearts and in our lives.
My point in writing this note is mainly for those of you who are a part of the TCF church body. Just like you, I am going through a growing time, a period of pruning that is painful, BUT I want you guys to know that Lord is holding me close, teaching me so much, and even though I am sad as I look at a year without my mom and dad, I am also anticipating what the Lord will be doing and the fresh fruit that will come of it. Sure, I have my difficult times in dealing with these things personally, BUT when I look at things from God's point of view, knowing there is a much bigger picture then what I see and that this is all for God's Glory, I have peace and His Joy becomes my strength.
It is all about Christ and I am clinging to Him with everything I have because I would be lost without Him. I have fallen apart plenty of times throughout this last year, but though I am "hard pressed on every side, I am not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed...Therefore I do not lose heart. Though outwardly I am wasting away, yet inwardly I am being renewed day by day. For my light and momentary troubles are achieving in me an eternal weight of glory that far outweighs them all. So I fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."(2 Corinthians 4:8-18).
My dear brothers and sisters, please pray for my family but do not forget to Thank Jesus for what He will accomplish in all of us as we grow through this year. I will be praying for you as well and joining you at church. A couple of folks asked if I would continue to attend TCF after my dad's last Sunday and I wanted you all to know that yes I would be. It was a difficult decision at first because, to be honest, I didn't want to. My pain was too great and I really just wanted to move myself to another state. In the last month the Lord has been working in my heart and He has given me His peace that passes all understanding, to remain a part of the Trail body. Yet one more thing I have learned in all this is that He gives me the strength to take on what is in front of me that day and it is good for me to NOT jump ahead and worry. Ahh, but that is a lesson I'll share in another blog :) .
For now I will close. I love you my dear Christian family and I thank you again for your prayers for this past year and this year to come. I will see you all on Sunday morning as we gather to worship our Saviour!
In His Grip,
Kristen Parr
(Yes, I know I stole that from my dad ;) I just thought it was fitting since that's exactly where I am...in Christ's Grip!)
Friday, September 25, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
"Thank you, Mommy"
"Mom, why didn't you and dad vote for Obama?" my nine-year-old son, Logan, asked.
I sighed heavily in response because I was tired and we had just exited Walmart. It was late in the afternoon and I had other pressing matters to think about, like dinner, for instance. I tried to formulate a simple answer while navigating the parking lot.
"Well, we didn't agree with some of his ideas on economics and stuff. Oh yeah, and we oppose abortion and he supports it. That was our main reason for not voting for him." I figured that would be the end of the conversation.
I figured wrong.
"What's abortion?" was his next question.
I prayed silently and asked God for guidance. How do you describe abortion to young people? Did I want him to know what it was yet? Did I want his younger brothers and sister to know? I decided I should probably be the one to tell him since I brought it up. Besides, I didn't want him to get another nine-year-old's opinion of what it was.
"Abortion is when a doctor goes in and takes a baby out before it’s ready to be born so it will die."
Logan gasped. He sounded like he had the air knocked out of him. "You mean they just kill it?"
"Yes," I said, cringing at my own words and the mental images that flashed through my mind from pictures that I had seen in the past.
"What kind of woman would do something like that?" he asked.
"Women that don’t know any better and take the doctor’s word that it’s not really anything but a blob, not a human being. They are scared and choose to believe this lie."
I thought about these women who choose this avenue, my heart aching for the ones who honestly believed the lies told to them. But I also knew that there were those who knew exactly what they were doing and chose to do it anyway. "Others are just selfish and don’t want the baby."
Logan was angry at the thought of babies being murdered. In his young heart he knew that this was horribly wrong. Amazing sometimes how the young can see things more clearly then adults who ought to know better.
I let him stew as we continued the last few minutes of our drive. My mind had already shifted to getting dinner on the table. We pulled in front of our garage and the kids started to pile out. I gathered my stuff too and started to climb out when a small voice spoke up and stopped me dead in my tracks.
"Mom," said my six-year-old son, Trevor, "Thank you for not doing that to us."
I looked into his big green eyes that mirrored his soul. Swallowing past the lump lodged in my throat, I said, "You're welcome, babe." He gave me a dimpled grin and then scooted out of his car seat, and scampered into the house. I sat back into my seat and thought about his words.
When I was pregnant with Trevor I went through a horrible depression. Darkness cast a shadow over every thought that came into my mind. Medication I had been on for a long time was altered and it threw me into a rapidly descending tailspin. It was scary to not be able to trust my own mind and emotions. I had my husband, Josh, and two little boys depending on me to get meals on table and do laundry. Now I had another one on the way, which I prayed would be a girl. I thought that would change everything. It had to.
I wouldn't have hurt my two older boys and being pregnant prevented me from harming myself. I didn't want to be held accountable for killing my child, but my mind was reeling and I could hardly function under such a dark cloud of depression. I often cried myself to sleep when I took naps with my boys. Thankfully, Logan doesn't remember these times. He would often lay next to me, stroke my arm and in his three-year-old voice say, "It's okay mommy." Eventually we would both fall asleep. Other times I would be crying in the kitchen, sitting on the floor and leaning against the refrigerator. Both Logan and Garrett would crawl in and lay their heads on my lap. I'd listen to my dad's voice consoling me over the phone and I run my fingers through my boys' hair. After a while the Lord would calm me down so I could get dinner on the table.
I was so convinced I was having a girl that when the doctor announced it was a boy in that delivery room I emotionally turned off. I held him and kissed his little forehead, Josh told the family what his name was and everyone congratulated me. But I lay in bed, mesmerized, broken hearted, scared to be a mommy when I didn't think I had it in me. I wanted to cry but I had no more tears. There was nothing left...or so I thought.
A week later I got terribly sick with endometritis, an infection of the lining in the uterus. Josh took me and baby Trevor back to the hospital. I could hardly walk because of the blinding pain in my body. It felt like daggers stabbing me over and over again. The nurses pumped me with three bags of saline because I was so dehydrated. They asked me if I was eating or drinking water. I nodded yes, but my husband said no I hadn't been. I honestly couldn't remember. The nurses fussed over my little boy as I lay on that hard bed in a back room of the ER.
Around 3 am the hospital released me to go home with a prescription for antibiotic and more pain meds. When I look back on that night I see it as when I started to come back to life. The following week I had 24 hour care which was good for my body and heart to heal. My mis-diagnosis and medication was finally corrected. And best of all I formed a bond with my little baby boy that I couldn't have imagined before.
My point in telling this story was to share what I went through and what I would have missed had I bailed out by aborting my little boy. Yes, the entire pregnancy was tumultuous. Yes, my family suffered along with me. Yes, the physical and emotional pain was intensely difficult.
But, it was all worth it for Trevor. I don't think it was a coincidence that Trevor was the one who thanked me for not killing him. When I look at my little green-eyed boy I can't imagine life without him. He has such a tender heart, a love for the Lord, a sweetness in his soul. He's all boy one minute, running around with a sword and playing "Pirates of the Caribbean." The next minute he'll stop to give me a hug for no reason at all. Just because. I can't imagine our lives without Trevor being in the middle of it all.
That's why I am saddened for the women who choose abortion as their alternative. Not only are they murdering their babies for whatever reason they give to appease their guilt, but they are also missing out on dimpled smiles, hugs for no reasons, and a little life that would bless those around them.
I don't know who reads my blogs. I don't know if you have had an abortion. If you have and you didn't realized what you were doing come before the Lord and accept His grace. He will forgive you and He holds that child in the safety of His realm. If you have never had an abortion but know those who have or are thinking about it please pray for them. Pray for this nation and for Obama.
There is hope for you, friend, if you have done this deed. Put your hope in Christ, He loves you and will forgive everything you've ever done. He will give you a new life and wipe your slate clean. Yes, you may have the natural consequences of this act but rest assured that His blood covers your sin. You can start out clean with the same Jesus that cares for your little one right now.
I sighed heavily in response because I was tired and we had just exited Walmart. It was late in the afternoon and I had other pressing matters to think about, like dinner, for instance. I tried to formulate a simple answer while navigating the parking lot.
"Well, we didn't agree with some of his ideas on economics and stuff. Oh yeah, and we oppose abortion and he supports it. That was our main reason for not voting for him." I figured that would be the end of the conversation.
I figured wrong.
"What's abortion?" was his next question.
I prayed silently and asked God for guidance. How do you describe abortion to young people? Did I want him to know what it was yet? Did I want his younger brothers and sister to know? I decided I should probably be the one to tell him since I brought it up. Besides, I didn't want him to get another nine-year-old's opinion of what it was.
"Abortion is when a doctor goes in and takes a baby out before it’s ready to be born so it will die."
Logan gasped. He sounded like he had the air knocked out of him. "You mean they just kill it?"
"Yes," I said, cringing at my own words and the mental images that flashed through my mind from pictures that I had seen in the past.
"What kind of woman would do something like that?" he asked.
"Women that don’t know any better and take the doctor’s word that it’s not really anything but a blob, not a human being. They are scared and choose to believe this lie."
I thought about these women who choose this avenue, my heart aching for the ones who honestly believed the lies told to them. But I also knew that there were those who knew exactly what they were doing and chose to do it anyway. "Others are just selfish and don’t want the baby."
Logan was angry at the thought of babies being murdered. In his young heart he knew that this was horribly wrong. Amazing sometimes how the young can see things more clearly then adults who ought to know better.
I let him stew as we continued the last few minutes of our drive. My mind had already shifted to getting dinner on the table. We pulled in front of our garage and the kids started to pile out. I gathered my stuff too and started to climb out when a small voice spoke up and stopped me dead in my tracks.
"Mom," said my six-year-old son, Trevor, "Thank you for not doing that to us."
I looked into his big green eyes that mirrored his soul. Swallowing past the lump lodged in my throat, I said, "You're welcome, babe." He gave me a dimpled grin and then scooted out of his car seat, and scampered into the house. I sat back into my seat and thought about his words.
When I was pregnant with Trevor I went through a horrible depression. Darkness cast a shadow over every thought that came into my mind. Medication I had been on for a long time was altered and it threw me into a rapidly descending tailspin. It was scary to not be able to trust my own mind and emotions. I had my husband, Josh, and two little boys depending on me to get meals on table and do laundry. Now I had another one on the way, which I prayed would be a girl. I thought that would change everything. It had to.
I wouldn't have hurt my two older boys and being pregnant prevented me from harming myself. I didn't want to be held accountable for killing my child, but my mind was reeling and I could hardly function under such a dark cloud of depression. I often cried myself to sleep when I took naps with my boys. Thankfully, Logan doesn't remember these times. He would often lay next to me, stroke my arm and in his three-year-old voice say, "It's okay mommy." Eventually we would both fall asleep. Other times I would be crying in the kitchen, sitting on the floor and leaning against the refrigerator. Both Logan and Garrett would crawl in and lay their heads on my lap. I'd listen to my dad's voice consoling me over the phone and I run my fingers through my boys' hair. After a while the Lord would calm me down so I could get dinner on the table.
I was so convinced I was having a girl that when the doctor announced it was a boy in that delivery room I emotionally turned off. I held him and kissed his little forehead, Josh told the family what his name was and everyone congratulated me. But I lay in bed, mesmerized, broken hearted, scared to be a mommy when I didn't think I had it in me. I wanted to cry but I had no more tears. There was nothing left...or so I thought.
A week later I got terribly sick with endometritis, an infection of the lining in the uterus. Josh took me and baby Trevor back to the hospital. I could hardly walk because of the blinding pain in my body. It felt like daggers stabbing me over and over again. The nurses pumped me with three bags of saline because I was so dehydrated. They asked me if I was eating or drinking water. I nodded yes, but my husband said no I hadn't been. I honestly couldn't remember. The nurses fussed over my little boy as I lay on that hard bed in a back room of the ER.
Around 3 am the hospital released me to go home with a prescription for antibiotic and more pain meds. When I look back on that night I see it as when I started to come back to life. The following week I had 24 hour care which was good for my body and heart to heal. My mis-diagnosis and medication was finally corrected. And best of all I formed a bond with my little baby boy that I couldn't have imagined before.
My point in telling this story was to share what I went through and what I would have missed had I bailed out by aborting my little boy. Yes, the entire pregnancy was tumultuous. Yes, my family suffered along with me. Yes, the physical and emotional pain was intensely difficult.
But, it was all worth it for Trevor. I don't think it was a coincidence that Trevor was the one who thanked me for not killing him. When I look at my little green-eyed boy I can't imagine life without him. He has such a tender heart, a love for the Lord, a sweetness in his soul. He's all boy one minute, running around with a sword and playing "Pirates of the Caribbean." The next minute he'll stop to give me a hug for no reason at all. Just because. I can't imagine our lives without Trevor being in the middle of it all.
That's why I am saddened for the women who choose abortion as their alternative. Not only are they murdering their babies for whatever reason they give to appease their guilt, but they are also missing out on dimpled smiles, hugs for no reasons, and a little life that would bless those around them.
I don't know who reads my blogs. I don't know if you have had an abortion. If you have and you didn't realized what you were doing come before the Lord and accept His grace. He will forgive you and He holds that child in the safety of His realm. If you have never had an abortion but know those who have or are thinking about it please pray for them. Pray for this nation and for Obama.
There is hope for you, friend, if you have done this deed. Put your hope in Christ, He loves you and will forgive everything you've ever done. He will give you a new life and wipe your slate clean. Yes, you may have the natural consequences of this act but rest assured that His blood covers your sin. You can start out clean with the same Jesus that cares for your little one right now.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
On Wings of Eagles
Isaiah 40:28-31
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
The Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
And his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
And increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
And young men stumble and fall;
But those who hope in the Lord
Will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
They will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not be faint.
This was written for the Israelites while they were in exile but it is an encouragement for us as well. Like the Israelites we often get tired of where we are in life. Life is difficult, fraught with physical and emotional pain. Or it's just plain boring.
My life is less then exciting to report. I have to laugh when someone asks what I’ve been up to because there is really nothing new that I’ve done since I had my last child. I get up every morning, fix breakfast and clean the kitchen just in time for lunch to start, and make an attempt to finish the laundry. I spend half of my day worrying about bills and how to put food on the table and the other half asking God to forgive me and thank Him when he’s done it all. Who really cares to hear about the hum drums of life? I have another 15 years at least of days just like this one.
Just like the Israelites we live one day at a time, dealing with traumas, trying to find some kind of hope in a hopeless world. Sometimes we even wonder, in our darkest moments, if our Savior has been defeated because we can’t seem to see him working in our lives. I grow weary. I grow tired. I don’t want to keep walking when every day looks like the day before and tomorrow looks like today.
A couple of years ago Josh and I were in a bad job/financial crisis and what I hadn’t noticed was my walk with the Lord was in a crisis as well. I was questioning His trustworthiness in my life. Especially when I looked around and it seemed everybody was doing well but us. People were leaving for vacations we could never afford, buying toys for their kids we could only dream of and living in big homes with room to walk around in and not step on each other. I was so frustrated with the Lord. I was weary of looking to Him for the answer, tired of walking His path when it seemed it was getting us nowhere. I was the young man stumbling and falling. I was bitter, frustrated, and angry at the Lord and at our situation.
One night I came to the end of myself. After learning the fate of a famous celebrity the reality of Hell hit home for me. I could only imagine this woman burning for all of eternity and it sent a chill down my spine. It was then that I realized that God had saved me from eternal damnation. I don't know why after 20+ years of being a christian I would finally realize what Christ did for me but that's what happened. For the first time I grasped the fact that He didn’t save me because it would be nice for my Mom and Dad’s sake or because I was the Pastor's daughter. He saved me simply because He loved me. It was His will that I live with Him for eternity and it had nothing to do with what I could do for Him or who I was related to.
I dropped to my knees on my bedroom floor weeping over my sins and thanking Him for saving me. When I stood up that night I was exhausted from crying but renewed in my spirit. My hope was no longer in the world, the superficial happenings going on around me. My hope was in Christ. It stopped mattering to me who was making the money or buying a new house or traveling to Hawaii. I was blessed simply because I belonged to Christ.
This, I believe, is what it means to be renewed in our spirit. It comes at times when I'm weary and don’t think I can take one more step in the direction he’s leading me. That’s when He reaches down, takes my hand and gently leads me on. When my hope is in the Lord I have strength to press forward even when I didn’t feel like it before. After that night I did soar like an eagle. The weight on my shoulders fell away and I could breathe again. I could walk and run and not feel the weariness that once encumbered me. In fact, spiritual truths took on new light and I looked forward to seeing what the Lord would do for us instead of be frustrated at what He was doing for some one else.
The only way to get through this life is to be renewed in the spirit, by God. So how do we go about being refreshed in this exhausting world? I don’t have an exact answer. I really don’t. Every person is unique and the Lord connects with us in different ways that meet us where we’re at. For me, I had to keep doing what I was doing. I continued to go to church even when I didn’t want to. I continued to sing the songs even though my lips were the only thing moving, my heart wasn’t in it. I can’t tell you how many times I would show up for the outside services purposely late, keep my sunglasses on so as not to make eye contact with anyone. I even toyed with the idea of going to another church for a while. But I didn’t. Usually by the end of the service I was okay enough to talk to people and have a decent conversation but it took me the entire hour and a half of the sermon to get to that point. I did this for about six months at least.
But my renewal didn’t come during a worship set, or specific group prayer time, or during a sermon. He spoke to my heart when I was alone, in my bedroom, with the background noise of the TV from the living room. The kids were sleeping and my bed had a pile of laundry on it as usual. I had no halo, in fact I don’t know if I had a shower that day. But that is where the Lord chose to meet me, reaching through the chaos of my life, to awaken my heart’s eyes to see exactly what gift he had given me. A gift of a life beyond this one, a hope for something more beautiful and magnificent then I could ever imagine having here on this earth. A hope that this wasn’t all there was to life, I actually had something to look forward to beyond the here and now.
I don’t know how or where the Lord will meet you; I only know for sure He will. He knows your heart, your inner person that he created and he knows how to intimately touch your soul and give you the strength to keep pressing forward. He may reach you during worship at church or in a small group Bible study. Your renewal may come on a tropical island or at a day retreat. Or it may come on a lonely night when you cry yourself to sleep.
But, my friend, be rest assured that it will come. On that weary path when we stumble and fall we must cling to the knowledge that his understanding goes farther than we can imagine and he never grows tired or weary of hearing our cries. He gives energy to the weary and power to the weak. He will reach down, lift our eyes up to Him and renew our strength. He will make us soar on wings like eagles, He will help us run and not grow weary, walk and not faint.
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
The Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
And his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
And increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
And young men stumble and fall;
But those who hope in the Lord
Will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
They will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not be faint.
This was written for the Israelites while they were in exile but it is an encouragement for us as well. Like the Israelites we often get tired of where we are in life. Life is difficult, fraught with physical and emotional pain. Or it's just plain boring.
My life is less then exciting to report. I have to laugh when someone asks what I’ve been up to because there is really nothing new that I’ve done since I had my last child. I get up every morning, fix breakfast and clean the kitchen just in time for lunch to start, and make an attempt to finish the laundry. I spend half of my day worrying about bills and how to put food on the table and the other half asking God to forgive me and thank Him when he’s done it all. Who really cares to hear about the hum drums of life? I have another 15 years at least of days just like this one.
Just like the Israelites we live one day at a time, dealing with traumas, trying to find some kind of hope in a hopeless world. Sometimes we even wonder, in our darkest moments, if our Savior has been defeated because we can’t seem to see him working in our lives. I grow weary. I grow tired. I don’t want to keep walking when every day looks like the day before and tomorrow looks like today.
A couple of years ago Josh and I were in a bad job/financial crisis and what I hadn’t noticed was my walk with the Lord was in a crisis as well. I was questioning His trustworthiness in my life. Especially when I looked around and it seemed everybody was doing well but us. People were leaving for vacations we could never afford, buying toys for their kids we could only dream of and living in big homes with room to walk around in and not step on each other. I was so frustrated with the Lord. I was weary of looking to Him for the answer, tired of walking His path when it seemed it was getting us nowhere. I was the young man stumbling and falling. I was bitter, frustrated, and angry at the Lord and at our situation.
One night I came to the end of myself. After learning the fate of a famous celebrity the reality of Hell hit home for me. I could only imagine this woman burning for all of eternity and it sent a chill down my spine. It was then that I realized that God had saved me from eternal damnation. I don't know why after 20+ years of being a christian I would finally realize what Christ did for me but that's what happened. For the first time I grasped the fact that He didn’t save me because it would be nice for my Mom and Dad’s sake or because I was the Pastor's daughter. He saved me simply because He loved me. It was His will that I live with Him for eternity and it had nothing to do with what I could do for Him or who I was related to.
I dropped to my knees on my bedroom floor weeping over my sins and thanking Him for saving me. When I stood up that night I was exhausted from crying but renewed in my spirit. My hope was no longer in the world, the superficial happenings going on around me. My hope was in Christ. It stopped mattering to me who was making the money or buying a new house or traveling to Hawaii. I was blessed simply because I belonged to Christ.
This, I believe, is what it means to be renewed in our spirit. It comes at times when I'm weary and don’t think I can take one more step in the direction he’s leading me. That’s when He reaches down, takes my hand and gently leads me on. When my hope is in the Lord I have strength to press forward even when I didn’t feel like it before. After that night I did soar like an eagle. The weight on my shoulders fell away and I could breathe again. I could walk and run and not feel the weariness that once encumbered me. In fact, spiritual truths took on new light and I looked forward to seeing what the Lord would do for us instead of be frustrated at what He was doing for some one else.
The only way to get through this life is to be renewed in the spirit, by God. So how do we go about being refreshed in this exhausting world? I don’t have an exact answer. I really don’t. Every person is unique and the Lord connects with us in different ways that meet us where we’re at. For me, I had to keep doing what I was doing. I continued to go to church even when I didn’t want to. I continued to sing the songs even though my lips were the only thing moving, my heart wasn’t in it. I can’t tell you how many times I would show up for the outside services purposely late, keep my sunglasses on so as not to make eye contact with anyone. I even toyed with the idea of going to another church for a while. But I didn’t. Usually by the end of the service I was okay enough to talk to people and have a decent conversation but it took me the entire hour and a half of the sermon to get to that point. I did this for about six months at least.
But my renewal didn’t come during a worship set, or specific group prayer time, or during a sermon. He spoke to my heart when I was alone, in my bedroom, with the background noise of the TV from the living room. The kids were sleeping and my bed had a pile of laundry on it as usual. I had no halo, in fact I don’t know if I had a shower that day. But that is where the Lord chose to meet me, reaching through the chaos of my life, to awaken my heart’s eyes to see exactly what gift he had given me. A gift of a life beyond this one, a hope for something more beautiful and magnificent then I could ever imagine having here on this earth. A hope that this wasn’t all there was to life, I actually had something to look forward to beyond the here and now.
I don’t know how or where the Lord will meet you; I only know for sure He will. He knows your heart, your inner person that he created and he knows how to intimately touch your soul and give you the strength to keep pressing forward. He may reach you during worship at church or in a small group Bible study. Your renewal may come on a tropical island or at a day retreat. Or it may come on a lonely night when you cry yourself to sleep.
But, my friend, be rest assured that it will come. On that weary path when we stumble and fall we must cling to the knowledge that his understanding goes farther than we can imagine and he never grows tired or weary of hearing our cries. He gives energy to the weary and power to the weak. He will reach down, lift our eyes up to Him and renew our strength. He will make us soar on wings like eagles, He will help us run and not grow weary, walk and not faint.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
A Little Humor Can Go A Long Way
Have you ever wondered what kids are thinking? Have you ever driven in a car with four children between the ages of 3-8? This is a real conversation we had in the car last summer:
Garrett (7yrs): Mom, did you know that dick is a bad word unless it’s a name?
Me: Yes, and since we both know that now we don’t need to repeat it.
Garrett: Okay.
Trevor (5) from the back seat: Jesus lives in my heart! Satan lives in my armpit! Jesus lives in my heart! Satan lives in my armpit!
Ellianna (3) yelling from the back seat: Stop yelling, Trevor! Everybody stop talking!
Logan (8) wasn’t saying anything, he was too busy ducking out of the way between Trevor’s arm movements and Elli’s elbows in the air because her fingers were in her ears.
If you ever see me driving and I look like I'm laughing hysterically I may be listening to another conversation like this one.
I find life is very serious most of the time and sometimes you have to find reasons to laugh, sometimes those reasons come to you in a car. I'm naturally bent towards a more pessimistic attitude and I find it extremely difficult to see a bright side of anything in life. This way of thinking throws me into a depressing funk and it's very difficult to 'turn my frown upside down'. Thankfully I married a man who is happy and when he sees me falling apart he tries to help me see life from another perspective, a more uplifting one.
Life really is hard and if you disagree then you are probably young, healthy and unmarried :) Just kidding. Seriously, though, life is difficult at times and the hardest thing you can do is find humor in anything you're doing. During those times I have found humor to be my best medicine. This is the reason Josh and I collected all ten seasons of Friends and now are working on Scrubs and The Office. Watching these shows together bonds us, actually, its the laughter that bonds us. Later when we are having a difficult day one of us will make a quote from a show and the other one will laugh. We know these shows are silly and definitely not family viewing, but sometimes when life seems more difficult then what we can handle we turn to something uplifting.
Growing up I had a friend with a large family. Their house was always in chaos and her mom had a different schedule then my family. When my sister and I would spend the night we would make 10:00pm trips to the store for groceries. Kelly and I had no idea anything was open past 8:00 since we were all tucked in and the house locked down for the night at that time. It was so much fun to make Cinnamon rolls or chocolate chip cookies at midnight if our little hearts desired it and it was okay to make a mess and then clean it up...the next day. But I have to say my favorite thing about this mom was her contagious laughter. It is my mental picture her laughing in hard times and fun ones that has stuck with me as I raise my children. There have been those days when I could either laugh or cry and I laugh instead, much to my children's relief.
Life is messy, chaotic, funny, monotonous, devastating, crushing, you fill in the blank. You will feel each of these things at some point of your life. But you can also find something that will make you laugh. Please don't think I'm contrived or pithy. My life has been especially hard this past year but God is good and I believe He knows our need for humor in life. He knows its important to laugh, it actually affects our minds and emotions and has the ability to relieve pent up stresses.
Laughter is a wonderful gift to us. So next time you're driving a vehicle with children in it turn off the radio and listen to their conversations, or sing with them at the top of your lungs to an upbeat song. Rent a silly movie or sitcom and laugh hysterically with your special someone. Get into a tickle fight or giggle just for the sake of giggling. Try to find humor somehow in your life. You need to do it. Besides, it's more fun then crying :)
Garrett (7yrs): Mom, did you know that dick is a bad word unless it’s a name?
Me: Yes, and since we both know that now we don’t need to repeat it.
Garrett: Okay.
Trevor (5) from the back seat: Jesus lives in my heart! Satan lives in my armpit! Jesus lives in my heart! Satan lives in my armpit!
Ellianna (3) yelling from the back seat: Stop yelling, Trevor! Everybody stop talking!
Logan (8) wasn’t saying anything, he was too busy ducking out of the way between Trevor’s arm movements and Elli’s elbows in the air because her fingers were in her ears.
If you ever see me driving and I look like I'm laughing hysterically I may be listening to another conversation like this one.
I find life is very serious most of the time and sometimes you have to find reasons to laugh, sometimes those reasons come to you in a car. I'm naturally bent towards a more pessimistic attitude and I find it extremely difficult to see a bright side of anything in life. This way of thinking throws me into a depressing funk and it's very difficult to 'turn my frown upside down'. Thankfully I married a man who is happy and when he sees me falling apart he tries to help me see life from another perspective, a more uplifting one.
Life really is hard and if you disagree then you are probably young, healthy and unmarried :) Just kidding. Seriously, though, life is difficult at times and the hardest thing you can do is find humor in anything you're doing. During those times I have found humor to be my best medicine. This is the reason Josh and I collected all ten seasons of Friends and now are working on Scrubs and The Office. Watching these shows together bonds us, actually, its the laughter that bonds us. Later when we are having a difficult day one of us will make a quote from a show and the other one will laugh. We know these shows are silly and definitely not family viewing, but sometimes when life seems more difficult then what we can handle we turn to something uplifting.
Growing up I had a friend with a large family. Their house was always in chaos and her mom had a different schedule then my family. When my sister and I would spend the night we would make 10:00pm trips to the store for groceries. Kelly and I had no idea anything was open past 8:00 since we were all tucked in and the house locked down for the night at that time. It was so much fun to make Cinnamon rolls or chocolate chip cookies at midnight if our little hearts desired it and it was okay to make a mess and then clean it up...the next day. But I have to say my favorite thing about this mom was her contagious laughter. It is my mental picture her laughing in hard times and fun ones that has stuck with me as I raise my children. There have been those days when I could either laugh or cry and I laugh instead, much to my children's relief.
Life is messy, chaotic, funny, monotonous, devastating, crushing, you fill in the blank. You will feel each of these things at some point of your life. But you can also find something that will make you laugh. Please don't think I'm contrived or pithy. My life has been especially hard this past year but God is good and I believe He knows our need for humor in life. He knows its important to laugh, it actually affects our minds and emotions and has the ability to relieve pent up stresses.
Laughter is a wonderful gift to us. So next time you're driving a vehicle with children in it turn off the radio and listen to their conversations, or sing with them at the top of your lungs to an upbeat song. Rent a silly movie or sitcom and laugh hysterically with your special someone. Get into a tickle fight or giggle just for the sake of giggling. Try to find humor somehow in your life. You need to do it. Besides, it's more fun then crying :)
Friday, June 26, 2009
The Hypocrisy in Me
"Ring.....ring.......ring"
"Hello?" I asked breathlessly after I lunged for the phone before my daughter could answer it.
"Mom? It's me, Logan." My oldest son's voice didn't sound so great and I knew what was coming before he asked. "Can you pick me up from school? I don't feel so good."
"Yeah, honey. I'll pick you up in a few minutes." We hung up the phone and I added this one more thing to my already long list of things-to-do. Actually, the only thing on the list was Costco but when I bring children with me that one trip is all I can fit on the list.
After I picked him up from school I asked him what was wrong.
"Well," he began, "When we came in from recess I got really hot and my back hurt and then I felt sick." Looking back I should have known it was probably just dehydration and overheating. But for some reason I didn't think of it at the time.
After Costco Logan and I headed over to the doctor's office. I had a sneaky suspicion that we didn't need to go but we went anyway. Sure enough Logan had perked up considerably and described in great detail how he felt. The doctor confirmed what the nurse said earlier when she ushered us into the room. He was dehydrated and needed to drink water and take it easy in the heat. My heart was both elated that nothing was seriously wrong and also chagrined that I had just forked up twenty dollars for something that could have been cured by a bottle of water.
After the doctor left the room I looked at Logan and said half-jokingly, "Honey, you need to take care of yourself so we don't have to spend twenty dollars on seeing the doctor." As the words left my mouth my conscience yelled, "Hypocrite!!"
Later I apologized to Logan for putting money before him and his needs. I felt awful.
I realized I had been doing the exact same thing for the last several years. So many times I ended up in the doctor's office asking for a antibiotic, anti fungal, anti...whatever. You name it, I'm on it. Or so it seems at times. I have been battling the same medical issue for nearly three years and it has cost us numerous twenty dollar payments. Why? Because I haven't been diligent about keeping close watch on my diet, I haven't stayed on some of the meds I should have been on, and the list goes on. The consequence of my "splurging" is an unhealthy body, poor self-esteem, and a sense of failure because I've never been able to stick to the one thing that would keep me healthy and vibrant for my children.
Hypocrisy is a funny thing. Sometimes we don't even realize that our actions and words counter-act each other. Another day not too long ago my six-year-old looked up at me with big eyes watching the shove a "treat" into my mouth. With all sincerity, sweetness and inability to say his "r's" very well he said, "I thought you were trying to lay off the sugar."
Ouch! He was right. My children watch me say one thing one day but do something else entirely different on other days. What am I teaching them?
The last thing I want to teach my children is that they can say one thing at church or to friends and then act entirely different when nobody is watching. What a horrible lesson to teach my children.
My dad is a pastor of a church here in the Valley and over the years I have had many people ask me if he is the same at home as he is in the pulpit. The answer has always been "Yes!!!" I love my dad and respect him so much because he truly loves the Lord when he's alone or when he's surrounded by the congregation. When he comes home from church on Sundays he is still the same man of God, except a little sleepier. I used to take that for granted, assuming every pastor is the same at home as he is at church, but as I grew up I realized integrity is more rare than I thought. For that reason I respect my dad much more because he sets an amazing example of walking in Faith. I want to be like him when I grow up!
I want my children to respect and love me for that same reason. I want to set an example of doing what I say I'm going to do. I want to lead by example, not just preach at them about what they ought to do. I don't want them to remember me stuffing a doughnut in my mouth and then mumble to them, "Now don't each sugar, children. It's very bad for you." That's like telling your children not to smoke while you light one up. Most children will do what they see their parents doing. I would much rather show them instead of just telling them what it looks like to live a hypocrisy-free life. In my writing class we are constantly being told to show the scene and not just tell it. That goes along with real life too!
The older I get the more I love Jesus. Maybe its the trials I am forced to walk through, maybe it's the realization that life offers no hope outside of Christ or maybe it's a little of both. Whatever the reason, I really have fallen more in love with my Saviour. But I do wonder at times....
Do my children see that love for Christ or do they merely see a woman with multiple personalities that present themselves differently in separate situations?
My prayer is that I will follow the example of Christ and of my dad, by being a woman after God's heart in actions and in words, written or otherwise.
One thing's for sure, I have a really long way to go...
"Hello?" I asked breathlessly after I lunged for the phone before my daughter could answer it.
"Mom? It's me, Logan." My oldest son's voice didn't sound so great and I knew what was coming before he asked. "Can you pick me up from school? I don't feel so good."
"Yeah, honey. I'll pick you up in a few minutes." We hung up the phone and I added this one more thing to my already long list of things-to-do. Actually, the only thing on the list was Costco but when I bring children with me that one trip is all I can fit on the list.
After I picked him up from school I asked him what was wrong.
"Well," he began, "When we came in from recess I got really hot and my back hurt and then I felt sick." Looking back I should have known it was probably just dehydration and overheating. But for some reason I didn't think of it at the time.
After Costco Logan and I headed over to the doctor's office. I had a sneaky suspicion that we didn't need to go but we went anyway. Sure enough Logan had perked up considerably and described in great detail how he felt. The doctor confirmed what the nurse said earlier when she ushered us into the room. He was dehydrated and needed to drink water and take it easy in the heat. My heart was both elated that nothing was seriously wrong and also chagrined that I had just forked up twenty dollars for something that could have been cured by a bottle of water.
After the doctor left the room I looked at Logan and said half-jokingly, "Honey, you need to take care of yourself so we don't have to spend twenty dollars on seeing the doctor." As the words left my mouth my conscience yelled, "Hypocrite!!"
Later I apologized to Logan for putting money before him and his needs. I felt awful.
I realized I had been doing the exact same thing for the last several years. So many times I ended up in the doctor's office asking for a antibiotic, anti fungal, anti...whatever. You name it, I'm on it. Or so it seems at times. I have been battling the same medical issue for nearly three years and it has cost us numerous twenty dollar payments. Why? Because I haven't been diligent about keeping close watch on my diet, I haven't stayed on some of the meds I should have been on, and the list goes on. The consequence of my "splurging" is an unhealthy body, poor self-esteem, and a sense of failure because I've never been able to stick to the one thing that would keep me healthy and vibrant for my children.
Hypocrisy is a funny thing. Sometimes we don't even realize that our actions and words counter-act each other. Another day not too long ago my six-year-old looked up at me with big eyes watching the shove a "treat" into my mouth. With all sincerity, sweetness and inability to say his "r's" very well he said, "I thought you were trying to lay off the sugar."
Ouch! He was right. My children watch me say one thing one day but do something else entirely different on other days. What am I teaching them?
The last thing I want to teach my children is that they can say one thing at church or to friends and then act entirely different when nobody is watching. What a horrible lesson to teach my children.
My dad is a pastor of a church here in the Valley and over the years I have had many people ask me if he is the same at home as he is in the pulpit. The answer has always been "Yes!!!" I love my dad and respect him so much because he truly loves the Lord when he's alone or when he's surrounded by the congregation. When he comes home from church on Sundays he is still the same man of God, except a little sleepier. I used to take that for granted, assuming every pastor is the same at home as he is at church, but as I grew up I realized integrity is more rare than I thought. For that reason I respect my dad much more because he sets an amazing example of walking in Faith. I want to be like him when I grow up!
I want my children to respect and love me for that same reason. I want to set an example of doing what I say I'm going to do. I want to lead by example, not just preach at them about what they ought to do. I don't want them to remember me stuffing a doughnut in my mouth and then mumble to them, "Now don't each sugar, children. It's very bad for you." That's like telling your children not to smoke while you light one up. Most children will do what they see their parents doing. I would much rather show them instead of just telling them what it looks like to live a hypocrisy-free life. In my writing class we are constantly being told to show the scene and not just tell it. That goes along with real life too!
The older I get the more I love Jesus. Maybe its the trials I am forced to walk through, maybe it's the realization that life offers no hope outside of Christ or maybe it's a little of both. Whatever the reason, I really have fallen more in love with my Saviour. But I do wonder at times....
Do my children see that love for Christ or do they merely see a woman with multiple personalities that present themselves differently in separate situations?
My prayer is that I will follow the example of Christ and of my dad, by being a woman after God's heart in actions and in words, written or otherwise.
One thing's for sure, I have a really long way to go...
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Soul Sifting...
Tonight my little girl melted down at bedtime. It had been a long day of playing hard with cousins and friends and her little soul couldn't take anymore.
I tried to coax her into her Alyssa's room with promises of letting her sleep downstairs with her big brothers the following night. But she kept crying. Next I tried the tough mom act of telling her, "You better be in this bed by the count of three. One, Two..." Still more tears fell down her cheeks. I looked into her sleepy, blue eyes and I wondered how I would get my exhausted four-year-old daughter to calm down and rest. I said a quick prayer under my breath before I began a new tactic.
I realized at that moment that Ellianna needed me to hold her, she just didn't know it yet. I wrapped her blankie around her and spoke softly as I picked her up and brought her to the bed. Her response? She cried harder and tried to escape from my arms. But I continued to be gentle with her despite the tears. I asked if she would like me to lay down with her and she nodded her head yes.
I helped her snuggle down under the covers and then lay down next to her. Her wails calmed to quiet whimpering as I wrapped my arms around her small body and cuddled with her. We prayed together, I sang her a song, I kissed her forehead and soon those deep blue eyes could no longer stay open. Her heavy lids closed and she stopped moving around. I kissed her and then tip-toed out of the room.
I am sad to say that this was the first time in a very long time since I laid down at bedtime with her. The last several months have been busy with so many different things to occupy my mind and heart. I have been slacking off in many ways in my parenting because I thought other things needed to be done first or I deserved to have some down time since I was with the kids all the time.
The truth is those were just excuses for me to play on the computer or be swept up in a story that kept my mind off of my reality. I've let the house fall around my ears, laundry pile up and leave dishes stacked in the kitchen all for the sake of keeping my facebook status updated! I'm so ashamed to even write this because I'm embarrassed of my selfishness over the last year.
I knew the time had come to break this habit and decided when I visited my sister and her family I would take a reprieve from my Internet addiction. I wanted to spend the week talking with Kelly, playing with the kids and making memories. My first day I was so happy to not be chained to the computer. Over the past several days I have laughed at the cute antics of my three-year-old nephew, shared hugs with my children and I had a sweet talk with my nearly ten-year-old son, Logan.
And I haven't missed facebook or twitter once. For the first time in a long time I had a major reality check. I think the accumulation of difficult events in my life plus the death of an amazing christian man have shaken and rearranged my priorities drastically. I have had to take a hard look at my life and realize that what I say and what I do are sometimes different things. I say Jesus is top on my list but I don't spend as much time reading His Word as I do reading a Dean Koontz novel. I say my husband and children are second and third on my list but I don't clean the house for them, I haven't been good at cooking meals for them and I don't tuck them into bed much anymore.
So what are my priorities really? I have to say honestly that I'm first on the list...at least, that's what my actions say.
The truth is Jesus and my family really are top on my list, but my actions have begged to differ. So now I need to make up for lost time. I need to show my family that I love them more then anything else in this world. I want to do the same for Christ.
I must say this has been a wonderful week for me. I left home weary and needing to reevaluate my life. Now I realize I don't want to miss chances to show Christ's love to others; I don't want to miss fun adventures with my children; I don't want to miss living a full life with my husband.
And I really don't want to miss anymore bedtime snuggles with my little girl...
I tried to coax her into her Alyssa's room with promises of letting her sleep downstairs with her big brothers the following night. But she kept crying. Next I tried the tough mom act of telling her, "You better be in this bed by the count of three. One, Two..." Still more tears fell down her cheeks. I looked into her sleepy, blue eyes and I wondered how I would get my exhausted four-year-old daughter to calm down and rest. I said a quick prayer under my breath before I began a new tactic.
I realized at that moment that Ellianna needed me to hold her, she just didn't know it yet. I wrapped her blankie around her and spoke softly as I picked her up and brought her to the bed. Her response? She cried harder and tried to escape from my arms. But I continued to be gentle with her despite the tears. I asked if she would like me to lay down with her and she nodded her head yes.
I helped her snuggle down under the covers and then lay down next to her. Her wails calmed to quiet whimpering as I wrapped my arms around her small body and cuddled with her. We prayed together, I sang her a song, I kissed her forehead and soon those deep blue eyes could no longer stay open. Her heavy lids closed and she stopped moving around. I kissed her and then tip-toed out of the room.
I am sad to say that this was the first time in a very long time since I laid down at bedtime with her. The last several months have been busy with so many different things to occupy my mind and heart. I have been slacking off in many ways in my parenting because I thought other things needed to be done first or I deserved to have some down time since I was with the kids all the time.
The truth is those were just excuses for me to play on the computer or be swept up in a story that kept my mind off of my reality. I've let the house fall around my ears, laundry pile up and leave dishes stacked in the kitchen all for the sake of keeping my facebook status updated! I'm so ashamed to even write this because I'm embarrassed of my selfishness over the last year.
I knew the time had come to break this habit and decided when I visited my sister and her family I would take a reprieve from my Internet addiction. I wanted to spend the week talking with Kelly, playing with the kids and making memories. My first day I was so happy to not be chained to the computer. Over the past several days I have laughed at the cute antics of my three-year-old nephew, shared hugs with my children and I had a sweet talk with my nearly ten-year-old son, Logan.
And I haven't missed facebook or twitter once. For the first time in a long time I had a major reality check. I think the accumulation of difficult events in my life plus the death of an amazing christian man have shaken and rearranged my priorities drastically. I have had to take a hard look at my life and realize that what I say and what I do are sometimes different things. I say Jesus is top on my list but I don't spend as much time reading His Word as I do reading a Dean Koontz novel. I say my husband and children are second and third on my list but I don't clean the house for them, I haven't been good at cooking meals for them and I don't tuck them into bed much anymore.
So what are my priorities really? I have to say honestly that I'm first on the list...at least, that's what my actions say.
The truth is Jesus and my family really are top on my list, but my actions have begged to differ. So now I need to make up for lost time. I need to show my family that I love them more then anything else in this world. I want to do the same for Christ.
I must say this has been a wonderful week for me. I left home weary and needing to reevaluate my life. Now I realize I don't want to miss chances to show Christ's love to others; I don't want to miss fun adventures with my children; I don't want to miss living a full life with my husband.
And I really don't want to miss anymore bedtime snuggles with my little girl...
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Thoughtful insights on Sleepless Nights...
It's 12:30 in the morning and I should be snuggled up next to my husband dreaming sweetly of sugar-plumb fairies.
But I'm not. I can't sleep...obviously. Instead, I'm sitting at my computer pondering a not-so-funny comedy I watched and regretting the sugar binge I indulged in. I figured I should write down my thoughts now instead of tomorrow morning when I'll most likely wake with an intense dairy/sugar hangover. Thank goodness it's a Saturday and I don't have to get up too early.
Tonight I watched He's Just Not That Into You. I don't know why I watch these chic-flick, dramedy movies. The movie was such a sad commentary of what people are doing out there to find someone who will love them. There was the desperate-for-somebody-to-love-me girl that made a fool of herself for any man in hopes to find a mate. There was the sexy yoga teacher who falls for a man who is married but obviously doesn't care about destroying another person's life as long as she gets what she wants. Next up was the couple who break up in the beginning because after living together for seven years he still doesn't want to marry this woman that he professes to love. There's the issue-ridden wife who's married to the aforementioned man who has shacked up with the yoga teacher. There's the editor of a gay magazine trying to get a date with a man and can't seem to find a good one. Oh yeah, there's also the bar tender who uses women and seems like a jerk but somehow turns into a good guy a little later on. Then there's the other man that is also sleeping with the yoga princess and thinks he's madly in love with her.
Confused yet? I sure was.
I came away with two thoughts prevalent in my mind.
1) I'm so thankful I'm not in the dating scene anymore. Marriage is difficult but so is going out on blind dates and whatnot. If I'm ever tempted to wish I were single again I will call this movie to mind and thank my lucky stars I'm not trying to find that special someone in bars and clubs who will love me for me.
***Note to my much loved single friends: I'm not trying to poke fun or make anyone feel bad for going on dates. The truth is the enemy loves to taunt married women on a bad day that thier lives would be so much better if they were single again, able to go out with friends and breathe a little excitement into what becomes a rather dull life at times...
***Another note: I do believe the enemy taunts the single girls too with the lie that they can only be happy or useful if married and with children. That is simply NOT true. Some of the women I respect the most are single and living for Christ regardless of being in a relationship or not...
and on that note lets go on to...
2)All of the relationships the movie portrayed were immensely depressing fabrications of what true love really is. Each and every couple was looking out for numero uno. None of them cared about the other person involved or those who would be hurt because of their decisions. The yoga instructor didn't care that this man's wife would be shattered to know of her husband's infidelity and she didn't care for her other male friend with whom she would fool around with when her chips were down. She would use him over and over again.
This world has love all upside down. Love means sacrificing yourself for the good of the other person, even if it hurts you or kills you in the process. Love isn't all about happy, giddy feelings and running hand-in-hand through fields as the sun sets and the credits role. There's a reason most good romantic movies end when the couple kisses, its because after that kiss you have to start the real work. After the pastor announces the bride and groom as Mr. & Mrs, the rice is thrown in the air, and the happy couple arrives home from their honeymoon the real work of love begins.
True love is not expressed on the wedding day as much as it is on the days when the entire family comes down with the stomach flu and you have to clean the bathroom after your spouse throws up.
~Its expressed on the days when the paychecks are low and another baby is on the way and instead of blaming your husband for what you don't have, you thank him for working so hard for the family.
~Its expressed when the doctor diagnoses cancer and the husband must take care of his wife over several grueling years.
~Its expressed in the everyday life of making dinners and doing laundry.
~Its expressed in the most heart-breaking moments of grief
~It's expressed in the joyful tears when the baby you've been trying for finally arrives.
~Its the kind of love that sees you through the tears, the laughter, the joy and sorrow, the hard years and happy years.
There is an amazing singer/songwriter named Andrew Peterson. He has written a beautiful, heart-breaking song called "Love is a Good Thing." I can't hear it without crying because it's the most honest song I've heard about love. I'm going to check out whether or not I can print the lyrics to it before I do so but if you haven't heard it I recommend reading or listening to it. He describes love in it's most difficult times as well as in the good times, but regardless of how hard it is it's still a good thing to do.
True love is sacrificial, it's the laying down of one's life for another, in the good times and bad. Sometimes Josh and I will look at our wedding pictures and we'll chuckle and ask "what were we thinking?" We weren't thinking too much. We were young, idealistic, selfish, stubborn, spoiled (that was me) and armed only with many prayers from our parents and other couples who knew better then we did. Sometimes in my lowest moments I have to remind myself of what the Lord has done in my life over the last eleven years. Over the years He has shown me what love really looks like so that I can spot the counterfeit when I see it. That counterfeit is usually from movie-land and comes in different shapes, sizes, and stories, but its fake all the same.
Don't get your ideals of love from Hollywood or books, don't take relationship advice from people who don't know what true love looks like...
...and don't forget the ONE who is love personified in every way imaginable. He is died to show you what love really looks like and He did it while we still hated Him.
Now that's True Love!
But I'm not. I can't sleep...obviously. Instead, I'm sitting at my computer pondering a not-so-funny comedy I watched and regretting the sugar binge I indulged in. I figured I should write down my thoughts now instead of tomorrow morning when I'll most likely wake with an intense dairy/sugar hangover. Thank goodness it's a Saturday and I don't have to get up too early.
Tonight I watched He's Just Not That Into You. I don't know why I watch these chic-flick, dramedy movies. The movie was such a sad commentary of what people are doing out there to find someone who will love them. There was the desperate-for-somebody-to-love-me girl that made a fool of herself for any man in hopes to find a mate. There was the sexy yoga teacher who falls for a man who is married but obviously doesn't care about destroying another person's life as long as she gets what she wants. Next up was the couple who break up in the beginning because after living together for seven years he still doesn't want to marry this woman that he professes to love. There's the issue-ridden wife who's married to the aforementioned man who has shacked up with the yoga teacher. There's the editor of a gay magazine trying to get a date with a man and can't seem to find a good one. Oh yeah, there's also the bar tender who uses women and seems like a jerk but somehow turns into a good guy a little later on. Then there's the other man that is also sleeping with the yoga princess and thinks he's madly in love with her.
Confused yet? I sure was.
I came away with two thoughts prevalent in my mind.
1) I'm so thankful I'm not in the dating scene anymore. Marriage is difficult but so is going out on blind dates and whatnot. If I'm ever tempted to wish I were single again I will call this movie to mind and thank my lucky stars I'm not trying to find that special someone in bars and clubs who will love me for me.
***Note to my much loved single friends: I'm not trying to poke fun or make anyone feel bad for going on dates. The truth is the enemy loves to taunt married women on a bad day that thier lives would be so much better if they were single again, able to go out with friends and breathe a little excitement into what becomes a rather dull life at times...
***Another note: I do believe the enemy taunts the single girls too with the lie that they can only be happy or useful if married and with children. That is simply NOT true. Some of the women I respect the most are single and living for Christ regardless of being in a relationship or not...
and on that note lets go on to...
2)All of the relationships the movie portrayed were immensely depressing fabrications of what true love really is. Each and every couple was looking out for numero uno. None of them cared about the other person involved or those who would be hurt because of their decisions. The yoga instructor didn't care that this man's wife would be shattered to know of her husband's infidelity and she didn't care for her other male friend with whom she would fool around with when her chips were down. She would use him over and over again.
This world has love all upside down. Love means sacrificing yourself for the good of the other person, even if it hurts you or kills you in the process. Love isn't all about happy, giddy feelings and running hand-in-hand through fields as the sun sets and the credits role. There's a reason most good romantic movies end when the couple kisses, its because after that kiss you have to start the real work. After the pastor announces the bride and groom as Mr. & Mrs, the rice is thrown in the air, and the happy couple arrives home from their honeymoon the real work of love begins.
True love is not expressed on the wedding day as much as it is on the days when the entire family comes down with the stomach flu and you have to clean the bathroom after your spouse throws up.
~Its expressed on the days when the paychecks are low and another baby is on the way and instead of blaming your husband for what you don't have, you thank him for working so hard for the family.
~Its expressed when the doctor diagnoses cancer and the husband must take care of his wife over several grueling years.
~Its expressed in the everyday life of making dinners and doing laundry.
~Its expressed in the most heart-breaking moments of grief
~It's expressed in the joyful tears when the baby you've been trying for finally arrives.
~Its the kind of love that sees you through the tears, the laughter, the joy and sorrow, the hard years and happy years.
There is an amazing singer/songwriter named Andrew Peterson. He has written a beautiful, heart-breaking song called "Love is a Good Thing." I can't hear it without crying because it's the most honest song I've heard about love. I'm going to check out whether or not I can print the lyrics to it before I do so but if you haven't heard it I recommend reading or listening to it. He describes love in it's most difficult times as well as in the good times, but regardless of how hard it is it's still a good thing to do.
True love is sacrificial, it's the laying down of one's life for another, in the good times and bad. Sometimes Josh and I will look at our wedding pictures and we'll chuckle and ask "what were we thinking?" We weren't thinking too much. We were young, idealistic, selfish, stubborn, spoiled (that was me) and armed only with many prayers from our parents and other couples who knew better then we did. Sometimes in my lowest moments I have to remind myself of what the Lord has done in my life over the last eleven years. Over the years He has shown me what love really looks like so that I can spot the counterfeit when I see it. That counterfeit is usually from movie-land and comes in different shapes, sizes, and stories, but its fake all the same.
Don't get your ideals of love from Hollywood or books, don't take relationship advice from people who don't know what true love looks like...
...and don't forget the ONE who is love personified in every way imaginable. He is died to show you what love really looks like and He did it while we still hated Him.
Now that's True Love!
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